pinching myself, believing in other peoples dreams

If not already starting as such, I get weird easily, sideways, if you will. In turn I beat it out of me with a lot of emo music, which I've only come into recently as of about 2024-25 in the later and middle parts of those years respectively. While seeming disjointed, I've made mention of how I feel as if I listen to whatever is thrown at me, sometimes it'll take awhile to stick as well, but once I have a grasp on a sound I like I typically don't deviate from it. Such is the case with how I even got into listening to it, Fall Out Boy. Revered as one of their WORST albums, I started what I consider to be a landmark in my music career on Folie à Deux which holds great significance in my life now (and I can't even get it on CD without paying +$30 (–⁠‸—)) since it's all I could stomach listening to around April, and yet I have no idea why. It's one giant art project that in retrospect I can't see how it failed, consider A Fever You Cant Sweat Out came out in 2005, with FOB releasing Folie in 08'. It mixes a hell of a lot of modern Pop aspects into a kind of dulled down and clean-er Punk sound, along with more that one Ballad in to seal the deal of the entire ensemble, which is likely what turned a lot of people off of it. However, I think this was a great starting point for me, as I feel like it forced me to understand the driving feelings rooted in Punk & Emo as genres in an easily absorbed manner as it's not trying to blast through riffs and drum breaks but moreso lay itself out in a way sparsely seen in the music around it. Now, I could probably sing that entire album front to back and in order, but I decided I can't call it my favorite if I had nothing to compare it to, which led to a listen through of the entire FOB discography predating Folie, branching out into bands like Haywood, Gabardine, Tabar, and a couple one off side projects I forget the name of.

All of that can go pound sand, because as I mentioned previously, if a song or album scratches enough of an itch, it'll root itself in my tastes and rotations for the rest of time. Folie has achieved that, and about 3 other FOB albums have as well (which I might rank later) but that's beyond the point. What I'm trying to say is I get easily attached, like...wickedly...I'm not a pushover but if something hits and it hits hard enough it's good as over for me and I'll never be able to cleanse myself of it. I have spent nights on the floor to Folie on more than one occasion, which under similar circumstances that I have over music, typically it's because of some horrid experience I create for myself and can't stop thinking about. Despite being how I write my music it's not something I like holding onto and am a hopeless yearner when succumbed to it, so a lot of Emo brings up a bunch of negative connotation that doesn't ever really deconstruct itself and kinda just builds with experience, never being able to forget melodies and how I feel about them or how they make me feel, such is now the case with My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade. I had a horrible wake up one morning after another par-for-the-course FOB blitz through the night previous, only to wake up to Gerard Way singing "Dead!" which was oddly comedic for how I felt getting up, but I didn't hate it, and decided I'd eventually give the whole album a shot after awhile. Long story short(er (￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠)) that time presented itself in another depressive spell, and the album has just made a complete wreck of me. I'm just another log onto the fire, but it's a damn artistical masterpiece that nails every emotion it's trying to drive home and does it well, and in my opinion is HELPED by the fact that the vocals are clean sounding and mixed well. While I advocate for the demo tape grittiness that everyone knows and loves, there should never be hate for an Emo album that makes you physically hurt because you can understand how the lyrics and music work together, and I think The Black Parade hits that stride flawlessly. Now how do this and the paragraph above relate? Well, I hurt a lot, as always it's my own doing, but all I heard was 2 notes from the opening lead of "I Dont Love You" on an IG post and it straight up ruined my entire week already. So if you read this far by chance, please make happier memories to sad songs, or try not to form associations with them or you'll end up like me, a super lesbian that continues to lead herself off cliffs (– ▽⁠ ⁠—;⁠).

In the meantime, game car update! My personal FD has been completely rebuilt from ground up and is now aimed at privateering for drift comp's, really just been waiting for more to occur to actually be able to use and test it...

also made a faithful re-creation of the Super Drift 3D FC.